Is Reconnection Possible After Estrangement?
Friendships Can Be Tricky
Decades ago, my sister lost a dear friend to mental instability when she descended a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. The woman was intelligent, sophisticated, and a world traveler. She had many friends and acquaintances, perhaps more of the latter, given her traveling schedule.
She was in her mid-forties when she was widowed unexpectedly. She was without family and was vulnerable as she grieved and became fixated on imaginary conspiracies.
Sadly, this obsession took her down a slippery slope that her friends could not dispel. She pushed her friends away when they tried to convince her that her new beliefs were lies.
I recall my sister’s disbelief that this could happen to her friend. This was long before the many lies that Fox was spreading in the 2016 election.
I remembered this story as the newspapers reported the many conspiracy theories swirling around social media as the 2010s waned. Like many news stories, these seemed far removed from my personal experience.
Then, a few years after my best friend’s death, I was talking to her daughter on the phone, and it was my turn to lose a friend to conspiracy thinking.
I loved Lisa (not her real name) and her sisters, and I always enjoyed spending time with them. I was close to Lisa as she had helped me with some home remodeling challenges.
Lisa is bright and a gifted decorator and project manager; I particularly loved that she held nothing back in advising me. She seemed to take some pleasure in chiding me into making tougher choices. I never regretted adopting her suggestions.
But this telephone call was to be our last. We talked for almost two hours, and most of that time, she tried to convince me of the truth of the stories about the evils of certain Democrats that were abounding on the Internet. I simply had to end the conversation.
I was completely rattled. It baffled me how this extremely competent woman could fall for those lies.
The next day, I wrote her a careful letter explaining my belief that those stories were untrue. And I never heard back.
A few days ago, I was chatting with my stepson, Tim, and we touched upon this lost friendship. I missed my connection with Lisa and how she reminded me of her mother, whom I dearly loved. Tim urged me to reach out to her.
I protested, but he persisted. Finally, I agreed to follow his advice.
I hung up and emailed Lisa a short note. I mentioned that I planned to be in southern California in a few weeks and would like to catch up with her.
She replied the following day and signed her note, Love, Lisa.
